Okay, I know I’m shit with being active and all, but I’ve been busy with an art exam. I hope you’ve all had a good Easter though.
Mine? It was okay.
Days leading up towards it were shit.
Like, two days before Good Friday we all went to my grandparents house. They normally ignore me whilst treating their great grandson like the golden child. He’s one and it hurts because they never did stuff like that with me as a baby and I love them no matter what although I’ve never felt they love me.
Anywho, I saw my grandad with the little toddler and the neighbours kids in the garden so I went out. The neighbour kids are my age, and we’re talking whilst grandad played with his great grandson.
He was a bit drunk. Normally he’s a happy drink. Not badly, just mildly tipsy.
I asked could I join in.
I thought he’d ignore me.
Instead he looked at me angrily, aggravation in his eyes and said; “Piss off and stop bothering me.”
I, feeling hurt and shocked, backed away, saying I was sorry. He kept looking at me.
"I’ll go." I said.
"Good." He replied. "You’re nothing but a little nuisance. Understand? That’s all you have been, that’s all you’ll ever be. Get that?"
All I could do was nod.
"Good." He said once more. "Now piss off…"
I did as I was bidden and left, having to carry on as if everything was fine. I went out the next day to try and cheer myself up but I kept running into this lovely old couple taking their grandchild out.
I wonder what that feels like.
When he came over on Sunday with grandma it was as if nothing happened. They only said a curt hi and then blanked me out for the whole hour. I don’t think he even remembers what he said.
I love them. I need them to love me back, and I don’t understand why they don’t. I’m sixteen but they reduce me to a child.
They say people are 75% more honest when intoxicated. Guess he was being honest.
I’m a bit of a mess at the minute but I’ll pull through. I always do. I just need time.
I am totally THAT person who gets obsessed with old tv shows that literally no one else cares about and I have to sit here by myself feeling nostalgic and shit
I feel this so much.